Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have better friends than you (probably)

a love letter to my friends

So far, 2024 has been a pretty shit year for me. It seems like the one thing that is going well is business. And I’m not saying that isn’t incredibly exciting. It’s what I’ve been wanting and manifesting for a very long time. In fact, I’m probably appreciating my growth more amidst the turmoil in the rest of my life. But that is what my life feels like right now: turmoil. 

While dealing with complicated family stuff, a dead grandma, a dead dog (one of the best dogs), a wildly wavering relationship with my body image, and a disappointingly fruitless love life – the quality of my friendships has become undeniable. To my friends – you know who you are. This is my love letter to you.

I truly believe I have the best friends in the world. If you know me, I’m not always the most forthcoming when I’m going through it. It’s hard for me to open up. I have walls. Short, weak, “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” walls, but walls nonetheless. Still, my friends always know how and when to big bad wolf me. They sense my mood and understand when something is bothering me without me having to share it. They know when to say something, when to ask, and when to let me come to them first. They know when to just be there. 

These past few months have easily been some of the hardest of my life. When I need to talk, to cry, to just get through the day, my friends are there. 

It just feels right to make this the topic of my first blog because, to be frank, I literally would not be here if it weren’t for them. When my mental health was at one of its peak dumpster-fire moments, I had a conversation with a friend. Had she not been there and not given me the advice she did, I likely never would have sought help. I will never be able to thank her enough for that. She could tell I wasn’t right, and she was right.

I’m not afraid to admit that I feel lonely a lot of the time. Of course, I want a fulfilling romantic relationship. Maybe those age-old tropes have some validity to them. Maybe I’m too picky, my standards too high. Maybe the “right one” is just around the corner. Maybe the bullshit people spew about it coming when you least expect it is true, but I’ve never been expecting it. A relationship just hasn’t been in the cards for me. Naturally, this comes with a lot of self-doubt. Whether it manifests itself in picking apart my flaws and fixating on the extra twenty pounds I’ve wanted to lose since I was 13 or doubting my desirability and the possibility of ever being in love, sometimes it’s difficult to continue to have a positive outlook. Sometimes, I just don’t see me. At least not how my friends see me. 

I know how they see me because they tell me. I know because they show me. They consistently make it clear how much they love and appreciate and care for me – my lateness, my spaciness, my clumsiness and all. 

At this point in my life, I find I’m constantly having to confront myself with knowing my worth. It continues to come up while accurately pricing my talent and the work it produces, looking for a companion, and on my journey to loving myself completely and wholly. I deserve more and better than what I think I deserve. I’m lucky to have people around me to let me know I undervalue myself. I believe in myself, but my loved ones believe in me tenfold. That’s a really good feeling. 

I deserve an amazing boyfriend because I have a really amazing personality, scary intelligence, sick eyes, I’m hilarious and multi-faceted with really cool tattoos and charming quirks and I think I’m not a complete goblin looks-wise. I deserve more money for my work because I could be this generation’s Picasso and I trust in the quality of my art and the value of my process. I deserve to love the way my body looks and feels because it can do all these great things like traipse around the city or house a burrito. I deserve to think I’m pretty because this face is a conglomeration of people I love and loved so deeply and to my core. I am worthy of what I hold back from myself, but that my friends and family don’t. 

I have so much love in my life. And, despite recent hardships, I’m really, really lucky. My friends are the kindest, smartest, funniest, best looking people in the world. I stand by that as an unobjectionable truth. 

I’m so in love with them!!!! I miss them when they’re not around, they complete me, they make me want to be a better person, they see me, they “had me at hello.” I will never actually be lonely with these special people to lean on, always. 

So, really, this is a thank you masquerading as a love letter. Thank you for being my friends and for being extra good and talented at it. I must have done something right in one of my (many) past lives to be blessed with these people in this one. Thanks for sticking with me through the tough times and for being an integral part of the happy moments. 

Here’s to the second half of this year getting better and to my best friends who will go on the ride with me. ILY.

xx,

Julia